Love the old school pinball machines. They are a great metaphor for life. Just when you think you are at the bottom a flipper can send you right back up to the top. It’s also not lost on me that you can sort of roll around like a ball but the responsibilities of life can push you up or down. I am the veritable pin ball right now. Ironically enough I would say Bryan is the best flipper in town. No matter what has been thrown my way, he is steady. He loves to do chores. I can often wake up to him emptying the dishwasher, loading dishes, taking the dog out, vacuuming. More craziness; the kid who needed prompting to do anything needs no prompting to do everything.
My macro and micro worlds are upside down. Every time I turn on the TV and see the news I am more and more exasperated. Politics are nuts; I am not partisan, I have a definitive belief system and could and would cross party lines to accommodate my beliefs. As a lawyer I have a fundamental understanding of the Constitution and as a US citizen I have a commitment to its principles. I’d like to think most people are good and want to do what is best for the county. Reality tells me otherwise. I am most shocked, not by our President, but by the helpers. I am most ashamed of the folks who know things are wrong but either look the other way or are more concerned with their own self-preservation. It’s a cluster of huge proportion and I am confident nothing will change until the DOW drops. Money talks…
So while I am trying to deal with my white house anxiety (my nice way of putting what I’m really feeling) my day-to-day stresses are starting to pull the thread of my hem of sanity. My dad is mending at a snail’s pace, but that snail is awesome and we prepped for the long haul. He will not be home before 2018. He is now about 40 mins north of us, so there is no jumping over to the hospital before work and at lunchtime and then after work. The guilt associated with not seeing him each day is enormous but reality dictates that I face other responsibilities.
One thing that pops into my mind is that this is the longest, by far, that my parents have not seen each other in almost 60 years of marriage. My mom is unaware and my dad cries when we talk about it. My sister and I are trying to keep up with all of the phone calls, wishes, cards, etc that we have received. Inevitably the inquiries turn from questions about my dad’s recovery to my mom.
With respect to Alzheimer’s I am truly amazed by the questions people have and what they think is OK to ask. My blog, my opinions, but if you are not sure think first or put yourself in their shoes approach should work. You may recall my blog post, Why do you ask? where I talked about the dopey nosy questions asked. I’m feeling more now than ever that you can find categories. There are those that ask questions out of concern, love, support and then there’s the rest of the people. Alzheimer’s is a degenerative disease. Common knowledge is that people lose their short term memory and more as it progresses. STOP ASKING ME IF MY MOTHER KNOWS WHO I AM. She has Alzheimer’s Disease!!What does that get you? Are you working on a prognosis for me? Are you some sort of covert Alzheimer’s guru? It is a question that serves this purpose, it makes the receiver feel like crap. There is nothing else to say. If I answer yes she does, people say oh that’s good, like hmm maybe she doesn’t really have it. If I say no, they always ask a lot more nosy questions. Can’t you just say how is your mom doing? Or I’m sorry you are going through this, can I do anything? Easy, uncomplicated and just lets you know someone cares which of course is the point of it all.