What Does a Yellow Light Mean?

taxiI was a big Taxi fan. If you don’t know what that is, yikes. Favorite bit of all time was when they were taking Jim Ignatowski,  brilliantly played by Christopher Lloyd, for his driving test. Anyway, Ignatowski is taking his written exam and he gets to the part where the question is “what does a yellow light mean?” and he leans over to cheat and asks Jeff Conaway(Bobby) for the answer. Poor Jeff Conaway, guy just couldn’t keep it together. Jeff whispers “slow down”. So then Ignatowski, says, “Whaaaat dooooeeesss a yeeellllloooowwww liiigghhhht meaaan?” and this goes on about 3 times, each time slower and slower. It is so hilarious.  If I am driving and Bryan says the light is yellow, slow down, I can think of nothing else! The push and pull of slowing down and speeding up is crazy with kids on the spectrum. When they are small and they do not function like typical kids it is not really all that noticeable to the outside world. If your kid is 3 or 4 and he doesn’t speak appropriately or he still wears a diaper no one really thinks too much. At that point you are in such a rush to have them catch up. You will hire just about anyone and everyone to get them to be “typical”. You think, if I just try this therapy or do this thing, it will sort of go away. You know in your head this is not logical and everyone tells you autism doesn’t go away, except that idiot Jenny McCarthy who said her son recovered from autism. Her son, in my opinion, never had autism. He probably had some sort of seizure disorder. To go on TV and act like you, a dopey playboy playmate and MTV hostess cured autism is fairly irresponsible. She is funny and irreverent but that’s where it ends. Lots of kids do lose their diagnosis, which I think is different from being cured, if they get a lot of ABA therapy when they are younger. Kind of goes against the idea that  you can’t buy your way out but for the most part these kids aren’t cured but rather they are trained how to learn differently.

Now that Bryan is a teenager I am in a rush for him to slow down. It is way more noticeable now that he is not typical when we go places. He does not speak like a typical teenager and he can be awkward.  Now I have to remind him to wash well in certain areas, and to stop touching himself. Ugh!! I am sure if you have a daughter having to deal with them and their periods is not fun, but having a 13 year old son with his hands down his pants all of the time is certainly raising awareness. Bulging shorts and giggling Bryan is definitely a test for me. “Talk to your father” I tell him, “he has that equipment, not me”. Puberty with a typical kid can be formidable but with kids on the spectrum, trying to get them to understand what is going on with their bodies and what is socially appropriate is challenging to say the least. Time for some new and exciting social stories. If nothing else the pictures ought to be interesting. Bryan does like girls though and pretty ones. We were at our friend’s house on Saturday and he told my friend’s sister in law, “you’re pretty.” He also was interested in going to the school dance on Friday night. So we begin a new chapter in our journey. We should get some fascinating reports from sleepaway camp. It is a coed camp and they deal with socialization issues and puberty. Just another good reason for sending him and allowing him to experience all that life has to offer. Often kids have their first “experiences” at sleepaway camp. OMG.

Jason is not much better. Right now he is “unplugged” since he has been punished for lying and without the comfort of minecraft he has been watching too many ‘tween shows that are all about dating and feelings. When he asks me things  I feel like saying, “just go google it” like they do with everything else. He asks me little questions here and there about sex. He asks me about condoms and tells me about the sex ed that they had at school. Last week he wanted to know the first time I ever french kissed someone. Is it wrong to say I don’t remember back that far? He asks me, how do I get a girlfriend? How do I know if a girl likes me? He told me only boys who play sports and have good tans get girlfriends. You can’t make this stuff up.

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