Tell me in my face

One of the great things about autism, and yes there is more than one, is your appreciation for small things. Actually, it’s the small things that are the big things if that makes any sense. Today I was in my bedroom sorting laundry and putting it away. Bryan was lying on my bed playing a game or watching a video on my iPhone. Bryan is always interested in where he stands with you. He said to me “Mommy are you happy with me?”. I said “yes” but it was a very nonchalant yes since I was busy with my chore and this is a typical question from him. He said, “Mommy, tell me in my face.” I stopped and looked at him and said yes. He wanted me to look him in the eye while I was talking to him, a measure of sincerity and understanding. Not only did I stop what I was doing to do this, but my heard filled up with this feeling of connection and warmth. So small, yet so big.

Both days on the weekend we drive about 30 mins to take him to Speech Therapy.  He knows the way and typically enjoys the drive. Bryan has trouble chilling out and often cannot stay quiet at all. Again, he was looking at my phone, I think watching Batman. The night before he had been at his friend’s birthday party but could not relax at all. His anxiety level was fairly high and it was one of those situations that pain him and us. He wants to have a good time, knows he’s driving us and himself nuts but can’t get out of his own way. So, back to the ride to speech today. We were driving along, windows down, sunroof open. You know the kind of day where it’s clear, warm and dry and you just feel good to be alive. He said, “Mommy, I’m feeling happy today. I’m not anxious.” Yep, that’s what he said. So small, yet so big. He knew his emotions, he expressed them in  a full sentence,  and he was calm. The trifecta of happiness for me!!!

We are getting ready to go to Running Buddies. He is looking forward to it and I’m looking forward to spending more time with my happy boy. Happy Sunday. Go Giants!!!

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2 thoughts on “Tell me in my face

  1. So great to see you and your boys yesterday! I was quite impressed by how all the boys interacted. They are growing up and doing amazing things. Those small moments have a way of building into something pretty spectacular. I often think of my parents who never had or did anything that was newsworthy. Their lives were a series of small things. Yet at their funerals, I literally heard hundreds of stories about small things they had done for other people…things I had never known. One of the kids in our neighborhood, now a grown man, stood over my mother’s casket and sobbed because she had driven him to the hospital when he broke his arm and she stayed with him even though the doctor didn’t want to let her in because she was not his mother. He had remembered that all these years and it obviously meant so much to him. In the end, it isn’t the big things that matter. It is those small things that touch so many!

    • Betsy, you did an unbelievable job with the party. The small details that you did, were the big deal. The giant popcorn container, the carefully put together candy bags and popcorn snacks, the rolled up blankets in a basket. All the signs, decorations, and love that you poured out really showed. XXX

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