One of the great things about autism, and yes there is more than one, is your appreciation for small things. Actually, it’s the small things that are the big things if that makes any sense. Today I was in my bedroom sorting laundry and putting it away. Bryan was lying on my bed playing a game or watching a video on my iPhone. Bryan is always interested in where he stands with you. He said to me “Mommy are you happy with me?”. I said “yes” but it was a very nonchalant yes since I was busy with my chore and this is a typical question from him. He said, “Mommy, tell me in my face.” I stopped and looked at him and said yes. He wanted me to look him in the eye while I was talking to him, a measure of sincerity and understanding. Not only did I stop what I was doing to do this, but my heard filled up with this feeling of connection and warmth. So small, yet so big.
Both days on the weekend we drive about 30 mins to take him to Speech Therapy. He knows the way and typically enjoys the drive. Bryan has trouble chilling out and often cannot stay quiet at all. Again, he was looking at my phone, I think watching Batman. The night before he had been at his friend’s birthday party but could not relax at all. His anxiety level was fairly high and it was one of those situations that pain him and us. He wants to have a good time, knows he’s driving us and himself nuts but can’t get out of his own way. So, back to the ride to speech today. We were driving along, windows down, sunroof open. You know the kind of day where it’s clear, warm and dry and you just feel good to be alive. He said, “Mommy, I’m feeling happy today. I’m not anxious.” Yep, that’s what he said. So small, yet so big. He knew his emotions, he expressed them in a full sentence, and he was calm. The trifecta of happiness for me!!!
We are getting ready to go to Running Buddies. He is looking forward to it and I’m looking forward to spending more time with my happy boy. Happy Sunday. Go Giants!!!