Rollercoaster of love…

Bryan is the only person on the planet who loses weight in Orlando. He typically does not eat breakfast; his anxiety level is so high. He didn’t puke but often times will in the mornings before we go to a park. We went to Legoland this weekend. Of course he is totally excited to go and is looking forward to it. He was great when we get to the hotel, we went out for dinner and he was fine. Next day, woke up at 5 and he paces. He paces and repeats whatever is in his head. Not only is it the opposite of fun to deal with this beginning at 5 am, but the angst as a parent to take your kid to a fun thing to do to watch him physically unable to relax is beyond. We got to the park when it opened and he loves to look at the map and his visual skills help him cope.  He loves the rollercoasters and although I’m not such a fan of them these days, when he asks me to go with him, I go. The smiles and glow that come over him is worth any wrenched neck or nausea i may endure.  Truthfully he did much better than in previous years considering he was never at this park before and never at this hotel. Slowly he starts to relax a little. He ate a little bit of lunch and was able to do most things at the park. We went back to the hotel and the boys went swimming. We went to the same restaurant as the night before; not a great variety in Lake Wales, FL so we figured why not go with what works. By dinner he is hungry, which is a great sign.  We talked about why he was anxious or nervous and he cannot articulate it at that moment. But unlike previous years, the questions stick and at times a little gem comes out to let you know he is thinking and growing emotionally. When we got back to the hotel from dinner on Friday night the boys (yes this includes Earl) were horsing around on our bed. Ok men, listen to this, women do not like when boys are doing horseplay because they know someone will end up crying or Mommy will get kicked. I begged them to stop. They didn’t. I was exhausted, spent, etc. I went out into the hallway in my PJs to cool down. I was so tired I almost fell asleep in the hall. Finally I came back in and the boys were in their beds and I went to sleep. In the morning, Bryan was up at 5 and came over to me and said “Mom you were mad at us last night”. He got it, can’t say everyone else did, but he did. I told him I wasn’t mad at him but he was clued in to my emotions and that got me motivated for the day.

On the ride home Earl and I got into an unpleasant argument (oxymoron) and it was unfortunate because we were in the car with the boys. Bryan is so funny. We have a DVD player in the car and he puts the headphones on crooked with the headphones on one ear and off the other. He doesn’t want to miss anything!! We got to a rest stop to use the bathroom and I got out with the boys. Bryan said “Daddy was mad with you.” I told him everything would be ok and he gave me such a hug and kiss. He knew I needed it. When we got home I decided to go to early voting. I brought Jason with me so we could have some time to talk and I could reassure him after the ugliness in the car. So we talked about some stuff and he says to me, “Mom I love Bryan’s autism.” I said “what?” Now this where it gets interesting. I asked him why and he said “Because it makes us better people. (ok a little bit of stuff he hears he repeats, clearly). I mean Bryan is so funny and he makes us laugh and he makes us happy.” I almost had to pull over from sobbing. I know what he means. When things get tough Bryan can distract us, jolt us, and or make us get out of ourselves.


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