We have a lot of lawyers in the family. Mostly that’s good. I still remember my oldest cousin on the phone with me right before I left for law school. He said, “you don’t want to do this, it’s nuts. They have this thing called the “rule against perpetuities” and no one gets it.” So funny the things we recall from younger days.
Jason would make a great doctor. He has so much compassion. He is also very responsible in interesting ways. Both Bryan and Jason get growth hormone injections each night. Jason has pituitary hypoplasia (1/2 a pituitary gland) and growth hormone deficiency. Why should Bryan have all the fun with autism??? And Bryan has idiopathic short stature, just stopped growing at age 5, no real reason why. So they know all about their shots each night and each got shots at camp so they definitely had to be clued on in the process. Jason has completely taken over this process. He not only mixes the medicine in the injection pens they go into, but he uses the alcohol pads, loads the needles, and has started giving the shots to both him and Bryan. Bryan has been getting in on this too. In fact he gave himself a shot the other night. I’m kvelling, two doctors? A jewish mother’s dream come true.
On the other hand, I probably need a doctor. I was a shrew all weekend and not sure why. For some reason all of Bryan’s perseverating was driving me up a wall. I can usually cope with this fairly well, the operative word being fairly, but I seriously lost it on him yesterday. Screamed full throttle. The worst part, other than the fact that it’s completely fucked up to scream at your kid with autism for having autism, is that he looks at me so lost. Like, mommy, what can I do, I want you to be happy with me. Earl took Bryan with him to Publix to get him out my way. I sat on the couch and cried. Jason was working on a project for school after I threatened him. His project is due on Wednesday, why does he always have to wait until we kick his butt to do it or it’s the last minute? I am trying to teach him better time management. After some threats he and I worked on it and I started to relax a little. The tears came and my Doogie Houser took over. He was consoling me. Oh that is so wrong. I cried for being a crabby mommy and not having patience with him or Bryan. Dr. Jason told me “it’s ok Mom, you’re still the best mommy in the world.” Barf. I cannot accept anything like this. He hugged me and kissed me and we worked on his project more. When Earl and Bryan got home I was better, more relaxed, more in control. The doctors did their shots and I took Bryan up to bed. I tried my best to explain to him that I was not angry with him but that I was angry with myself for not having more patience. He definitely seemed unsure how to act with me. I told him I loved him and that I was sorry. He accepts the apology easily and snuggles with me. Oh how I don’t deserve that. Today is a new day and a new year on the jewish calendar. I am going to have to starve next week on Yom Kippur!