Do you wanna be happy or do you wanna be right?

One of my cousins taught me this expression. It’s great because you need to know which one you want to be in any discussion, exchange, relationship. Wanting to be right, well that’s juvenile, counterproductive, etc. Wanting to be happy, well, truthfully, it’s an acquired taste.

Everyone has been asking us, “how’s it going without the kids around?” Well, it’s been an adjustment. You don’t go from being parents with a million responsibilities to love struck coo koo heads running around naked. Sorry Earl. But you do have an opportunity to learn a lot about yourself and your marriage. We have learned a lot!! Mostly I have to report it’s been good. We approach things very differently which can cause friction. I am a morning person and Earl is more of a night owl. I like to get up and get going, he likes to ease his way into things. Neither way is right nor wrong but without the kids as a buffer, the differences can be glaring.  One thing we constantly argue about is whether or not one of us told the other one something. Sounds nuts but when you feel sure you have communicated something and the other person seems surprised it can be seriously annoying. However, since we are both getting older, this is only going to get worse and not better, so you better put on your big girl or big boy pants, repeat yourself and get on with your day.

But you know what has been great about this time alone? The growth. Years ago we could argue about things that were so ridiculous. Now we make jokes about our differences and poke fun at each other. We have been through a lot together and we have gained a certain kind of trust that comes from having had each other’s backs in the trenches.  We try to laugh off things that we would not years ago. We appreciate each other more, and like most relationships you value where you started and where you are now. We are approaching our 15 year anniversary this fall. Nothing is perfect; we have plenty of  issues like other families and couples. We have times where we are frustrated with each other and get angry. The difference, as I see it, is that we both want to be happy and for that we both will sacrifice our need to be right.

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4 thoughts on “Do you wanna be happy or do you wanna be right?

  1. You said a remarkable thing at the very end — you both want to be happy. That is the key and that is something not everyone either knows how to reach for nor desires. And as I have said to so many parents I deal with, sending your child away for the summer is not just for the child — it is also for the couple to find each other again. So happy that you approach the challenges with a laugh, desire, a true sense of reality, and it appears, a great deal of success. Mazel tov!!

  2. Great post. Very insightful. It sounds old to say that we all might be maturing, but it could be true. Of course, with all this talk of getting a second dog, it is pretty obvious that the impulsive cannot be fully repressed!!

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