Well, now that I have your attention….I have song lyrics in my head all of the time. I think they call that ear worms. Not a great visual but I get it. I have always had Billy Joel’s Summer, Highland Falls in my head. “For we are always what our situations hand us, it’s either sadness or euphoria” WOW that really haunts me. It touches a nerve because I think I hover between those two emotions very often. It is hard for me to function too well in a state of chill. Just ask Earl, he’ll tell you.
I pretty much am either happy with things or very distraught. I have learned how to manage this better over the years, some combination of drawing on experience, living with Earl, and my work. My boss is extremely even-tempered. It sets a great tone for the office and for me. Last week something came up that I might have gotten really upset about at work. I was able to take a deep breath and reel myself in. That is huge progress. Lexapro doesn’t hurt either!
I feel this same way about autism. I am either really thrilled with how Bryan is doing and his progress or I am ill at what the future may or may not hold for him or us. This week should be a good week. He did really well at speech and OT this weekend, they are working on making inferences. It is just not a natural or intuitive thing for Bryan. I have found that drills or repetition are the best way for him to learn something. Other things, like math, are a snap, except word problems where there is too much language. Another autism lesson we have learned is that you can never assume Bryan knows the definition of a word. If you use a word that another kid might get the gist of it in the context of a sentence; that typically does not happen with Bryan. We have a kids dictionary and he looks up words all of the time. Vocabulary is the key to language and he can’t just pick it up like you or I do.
I have been fighting a lot of emotions about sleepaway camp. Bryan is going for 7 weeks, which is a long time. People judge us, I can hear it in their tone and their comments. Don’t judge us, we know our kid. We know that he will mature, he will learn, and he will develop relationships. We feel it is right for our family, that we want to give him the tools of independence he cannot get at home. Bryan went to sleepaway for two years already, 10 days and 3 weeks and we still keep in touch with the one pretty good friend that he made there. We skyped last week. The boy has aspergers and lives outside Atlanta. Although they don’t have in-depth conversations there is a connection and they were excited to see each other. But, we will miss him so much. And Jason too who will be away for 6 weeks. Jason needs to be saturated with typical kids his own age. He needs to mature as well. When you are responsible for yourself and your things it really does make a huge difference. Don’t expect too much blogging this summer!! Earl and I are going to clean and organize this house, go away for a few days and just sleep. Everyone says to us “you need a break” as if Bryan is some sort of burden to us. To me, break implies something is broken and I don’t like to think of things in that way. I cringe when people say it that way. It makes me feel guilty because I don’t want him or Jason to feel like they are getting sent away but rather we want them to feel as if they are getting a huge privilege. In any event, it is my hangup because a little time for us to reconnect and catch our breath is something to look forward to and we are.