We went to a parent/teacher conference yesterday morning with Jason’s teacher. I am going to say I even though we went because I am feeling like a piece of crap; no not that good. This does not take anything away from Earl; he is a great parent and he is processing info too, but this is my blog and my ass whooping and so I am “I”. I think the technical term for what I am feeling is “head up your ass” syndrome. Our little boy needs some assistance and I think I’ve been too preoccupied with Bryan, Autism Awareness Month, this blog, work, camp forms, etc. to give Jason what he needs. I feel like I was approaching a decent grade in Mommy Class 301 and now I’m working a D going into the final. His teacher let us know again how smart he is but how out of focus he can be. He is not doing his best but some of this really pertains to us/me not disciplining him or providing him with enough structure to get his work done properly. Why was I watching stupid HGTV when I should’ve been doing more homework with him? Why was I working on a fundraiser when he needs me too? ugh ugh ugh. It’s like a dam, you plug one hole up and another one pops open. I am a mom, I am supposed to have more than 10 fingers and 10 toes to plug up these things.
So here is the thing; the teacher is right to get us to focus on him and what he needs to do to improve. Earl and I talked about it a little bit afterward. We both feel it will be better to give him an incentive to work hard rather than to punish him. Most of us are more motivated by positive reinforcements but we need to work as a team. The parting words from his teacher, who is a good teacher in the true academic sense, but is sort of a hag when it comes to her attitude were : “I know you have a special needs child, but he (referring to Jason) has needs too.” She did it, she pushed me over the cliff into the mommy pit of despair. Instead of deflecting her judgmental tones, I internalized and spent the last 24 hours trying to figure out how his life is not over at age 9. He does deserve more attention. I spoke with him briefly last night and we agreed that we need to work better as a team. I know that was just a band-aid on festering wound but I’m in Mobile, Al overnight tonight and so I at least had to approach it.
No more Scarlet “I’ll think about it tomorrow” O’hara for me. Today is a new day and a new opportunity to get on track.