Big Blue

I am sure you are thinking this will be some sort of NY Giants tribute entry, or even the Rangers, who also won yesterday. I am so psyched that the Giants won, but I am not happy with myself today. Damn, that is an understatement. I need to confess, (today would be a good day for Jewish confession) own up to it, and just get a grip. I was a super shitty Mom yesterday. I don’t even know why; the boys slept out at my sister in law’s house and I slept. Perhaps it had something to do with the sharp contrast of the quiet and peaceful home on Saturday night to the high volume of Sunday. From the moment I saw Bryan on Sunday morning, he was tough. He was irritable, yelling, and repeating stuff all day. For some reason this got on my nerves so quickly when typically I can cope better. Jason came home later in the day and we had homework to do. Earl and I had a parent/teacher conf on Thurs where his teacher explained to us what she is looking for in his math  “corrections”. He gets these corrections when he makes mistakes on his worksheets and she requires him to redo the problem. He must show his work which is the root of the problem. I sat with him and explained to him what his teacher told us she wanted from him and I tried to execute this with him. But the combination of my lack of patience, his frustration, and his disrespectful behavior transformed this mess from a simmer to a boil in no time at all. I threatened him, yelled at him and basically just melted down. Earl was in the kitchen cooking his chili for the game and I could tell he didn’t want to get within 100 feet of me or the situation.  (I felt like the mom in The Incredibles, my favorite animated movie, when she is trying to get the kids to behave at dinner and the husband is in the other room reading the paper. She screams out  “Bob, it’s time to engage!” and he says “listen to your mother kids”) I am at a loss at this point. I have a pretty good toolkit when dealing with the kids but yesterday all I could find was the sledgehammer. Not a happy situation.

Bryan was waiting all day for one couple to show up. He must have said their names a thousand times, “so and so are coming at 6”. They didn’t come. UGH, UGH, UGH. Don’t know what happened there yet, but I’d like to kill them(if they are ok!) because he couldn’t handle it. He was screaming, and not when the Giants scored. I was wretched and shrill and was annoying myself. Why was I like this when I had so much to be excited about? Why was I modeling the absolute worst behavior on the planet? Who am I?

What is both good and bad is the forgiving nature of children. Jason was loving and sweet to me last night even though I didn’t deserve it. Bryan also was great getting ready this morning. So while I should be celebrating the big blue today, I am feeling the big blue.

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15 thoughts on “Big Blue

  1. Everyone is entitled to a bad day or two or a few dozen. You are so right-on as a mother and wife “almost” always. Give yourself a break.

  2. I’m telling you, it’s the weather! Not you 🙂

  3. dont’ beat yourself up! You are outstanding in all ways! let it go.

  4. I have really enjoyed your blog. Very nicely written – humorous but insightful. As for today’s- We all do this. Aren’t you glad that you can admit it? I have to surround myself with people who are honest and have a sense of humor about it to keep my sanity!

  5. Jane I find myself in this state more often than I care to admit. Even more embarresed since I do not have the same types of challenges you do. Needless to say, the more I find myself talking to other friends about this, the more I find I meet few who dont do the exact same thing. The greatest therapy I find is talking to those moms about it. Thanks for being just another looney mom like the rest of us 🙂

  6. The “wildcard” was clear yesterday. You were wonderful, loving and stressed. Give yourself a break.

  7. The kids love you…. Shit happens…….Life can be Hard…..You cannot expect yourself to be “ON” all the time….And your kids do LOVE YOU….
    Giants WIN

    Fish

  8. You might as well face it, Jane. You’re a latent Patriots fan. And Gisele has some SERIOUS competition now.

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