Ok, time to come clean. I like to go to my nice quiet office. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I was home for a few days and although it was nice to have extra time with the boys, Bryan’s perseveration and anxiety can be tough to handle in large doses. He craves structure and these days were unstructured. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s not his fault that he is perseverating, he doesn’t know what’s coming next because we don’t either. Nevertheless, the days can be a challenge. He knows what is and isn’t happening, but has trouble reeling himself in. It pains us and him and overall it makes for a stressful experience. You would think then that we would have plans all the time for him, but let’s face it, that’s neither practical nor realistic. Some days you need to just have nothing to do or nothing scheduled. Sometimes you need to clean up around the house, or organize your things, or just do laundry and watch movies.
Yesterday was particularly rough in the morning, but I am trying to remind myself to focus on how far along he’s come, rather than the bad things that have occurred. In the morning, he really wanted to go to Target to get a Wii game. The boys each got two Target gift cards and wanted to go shopping. Every other Monday the greatest thing happens, we get our house cleaned, and I wanted to keep the boys out of the house at the time the cleaning ladies were coming, so timing was key. Bryan was struggling with the way I was putting him off. He started asking at 7am (which is very late for him), “what time do we go to Target?” but I kept stalling until I was fairly sure what time the cleaning ladies would arrive. At one point he was so frustrated that he pinched Jason and me and broke the skin on both of us. (this morning when I was showering I felt something burning my left hand only to realize i had these two cuts in my hand from where he pinched me.) Ok, so back to the progress. In past years if he got to the point where he was hurting us, this would’ve gone on for an hour or more, no exaggeration. He would hit, pinch, maybe bite, destroy things and scream. But, he is a more mature boy now and understands so much more. He has more control, he is more aware. He did hurt us, did carry on, but it was short-lived. I told him on several occasions that if he didn’t stop, we would not go to Target. For the most part, we do not make idle threats and he knows it. He lost it for a little while, but then, remarkably pulled it together. He took a few deep breaths with the assistance of his loving and empathetic little bro, and we went to Target. I think he is learning that we are trustworthy and always keep our promises. I think he has always known this in his heart, but the fact that he could convert the knowledge into practice was the accomplishment. We also had to wait a long time for the salesperson to unlock the Wii games at Target, but he was patient and calm. I am going to keep my glass half full for the day. Besides, today is a Daddy day and I’m going to work.