Payback’s a bitch; I suffered with horrible anxiety as a child. I was always having diarrhea because of some test, some social situation, some self-induced pressure. I have worked very very hard to shed a lot of that. When I feel anxiety creeping up I remind myself of very tough situations I have been in over the years and that I was able to survive them, and succeed. I am also very grateful to Earl because he really doesn’t experience anxiety, or not openly as I have, and can be very calming. I always felt like the world was going to end for me. He always reminds me that nothing that can be fixed is catastrophic. Clearly, dealing with Bryan and his issues has also grounded me and given me perspective.
On Sunday my cousin called to see if Jason wanted to go to the Miami Dolphins game with him and his wife and two kids. Such a warm and loving invitation. All I could think of was “of course”, I’ll spring him out of Hebrew School and take him over there. This cousin, my oldest, is extremely family oriented and loving. He was truly excited to spend the day with Jason and get to know him better. I think with all of my cousins we feel this great desire to get to know each other’s kids. I love having any one of their kids alone and feel such a connection to them. We all love to tell each other’s kids good stories about their parents growing up and the kids are like little sponges for these small bites of history. So I go and pick up Jason from Hebrew School. He was excited to get called to the office to get out early. (if this were me as a kid I would be worried, but he’s half Earl’s kid and he was great). So I told him the plans. He was thrilled, excited, like any young boy invited to a great day of fun. Then the mini me crept in… “Mommy, how long is the car ride? Mommy, what time will I be home? Mommy, I don’t want to go… ) Ugh, anxiety, he really does not know these kids as well as some of the others and he is only 9. If this were me at his age I would’ve been at a gas station in the bathroom already and had a complete anxiety attack. But, since he is my mini me, I think I was equipped to help him. I reminded him he had his phone and could call me as much as he wanted, I gave him some cash to buy a souvenir(I knew that would do it) and let him know that he can trust me. I would never send him anywhere that I thought wouldn’t be fun or that he couldn’t handle. When we got there he was greeted with such enthusiasm and pure joy he seemed to melt a little. Then he went on their computer and started to calm down. He had a great time. He bought a foam finger and a key chain for his brother. Ok some of my genes are good.