If you are a subscriber to my blog you will know that watching our home movies can be wonderful and heart wrenching for me. I love to see the fellas when they were little, but sometimes watching Bryan and the change from a delicious little peanut to a lost or distant little boy can be very rough. However, on Sunday evening we decided to take out some of our home movies and watch them. As the second child, I am always surprised to see how interested Jason is in these movies since so much of them are about Bryan. I do think he likes to see baby Bryan too. In one of them when Bryan was just about 3 Jason asked “Did Bryan have autism in this movie?” Oh man, good question, who the heck knows.
Bryan at times will glance at the movies when we watch them and point out something like “Animal Kingdom with Jason”. but he never really watches them. This time he sat on a chair in the family room and really watched himself on screen. He saw baby Bryan, toddler Bryan and then little boy Bryan. At one point he turned to us and said, “I grew up”. Simply put, but he is right. He has grown up. He is aware of things, feelings, and people. While still not a great conversationalist, he does ask questions now and can manage a short exchange. He is big, as big as I am ( I know that’s not saying much, but he is only 11) and he is kind of hunky.
Today Erwin had to go to their school to pick up crap, I mean stuff, everyone ordered through the PTA. You know the stuff, Yankee Candles and Cherrydale stuff so the PTA can get much needed funds and Jason can get some sort of plastic junk that will break before he finishes opening it. The PTA said there was a lot of stuff and could we get it at lunch time. Erwin offered to go and he got way more than the Yankee Candles. He called me right away to tell me how Bryan was sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch between his friend Joel and two girls. There were two girls on the other side of Joel and two opposite them. It’s the hair, the girls love his hair. It’s his thing. So he sees Erwin and says “hi Dad” and went over and gave him a big hug. Then a few minutes later Erwin said he heard Bryan get one of the girl’s attention and said “that’s my Dad”. It just doesn’t get better than this. Erwin went to pick up the gifts for others and got a big, well deserved daddy gift. Bryan is so loving and so proud of his Dad. The best part for me was hearing Erwin’s voice; he sounded so elated, so upbeat. While the stress of autism can sometimes tear us down, the triumphs, even as small as they may seem, build us way up.