It’s been about a week since I”ve written. I have had some really great moments with the boys this past week and I’ve dipped down really low as well. Here’s the really great thing about autism; the kids grow up slowly so you don’t get that “i’m losing my baby” feeling. Bryan is 11 and still lets me kiss him and snuggle him as much as he did when he was 5. Granted, he’s as big as me so it’s not as easy and he’s not nearly as chilled out, in fact he’s rarely chilled out, but when he is, it is sheer heaven. When I put him to bed he lets me snuggle in close and his skin is soft and he always smells so good. He showers every morning and often takes a bath at night. He loves water and the sensory feeling of the hug a warm bath provides. Now that it’s getting really hot he and Jason swim almost every afternoon too. On Thurs evening he and Jason climbed into his bed and they took turns doing playstation. All 3 of us were under the covers and I was in the middle. Even though we have two remotes, they wanted to take turns and I got to snuggle with the one who wasn’t playing. I reminded myself how special these moments are and that my boys are truly yummy. I am a lucky mommy.
The challenges, well, Byran has a lot of trouble with impulse control and can pinch and hurt a lot. Now that he is my size it can really really hurt and he also hurts Jason and our sitter. I get upset, not just because of the physical pain that it causes, but because I know he doesn’t want to do this and afterward he is truly remorseful. Each episode is traumatic for him and whomever is the target/victim. We went to the Psychiatrist last week to talk about this and to see about adjusting his meds. He currently takes two meds. Whenever we have introduced a 3rd, whatever it is, all hell breaks loose. She recommended something. I looked it up online when I got home and almost puked. The potential side effects alone were enough to scare the crap out of anyone. cancel that stuff. I cried for what seemed like an hour, on and off. he’s just a kid. ugh. We will just have to move on and manage things with behavior therapy and incentives, you know, the old fashioned way.